Last weekend I was in Florida. If you are a native you pronounce it “Flarda” (with two syllables). The rest of us pronounce it with three syllables as in “Flo ri da”. Which I can relate because I’m from “Ell in oy” NOT “El i noise”.
Since this was not my first trip to the Panhandle State I have become accustomed to things only a native can appreciate. For instance
* Florida drivers: Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on.
* And language interpretation: “D’jalleet” means “Did you all eat?” “Fixin’ to” is a word, as in, “I’m afixinto go to the store.”
Florida weather is always interesting. It can go from bright hot sun, to severe thunderstorms, to bright hot sun – all in less than half an hour. It is not uncommon to:
* Switch from heating to air conditioning in the same day.
* Break out the scarves and space heaters when it’s 60 degrees Fahrenheit
* Describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as “good chili weather.”
* Wear shorts and use the air conditioner on Christmas.
Even a neat housekeeper knows that:
* You can find more than five different species of bugs in your home every day, even if you use pest control.
* There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Florida, plus a couple never identified before.
* Leaving the dog outside unattended can attract the neighborhood alligator.
Eating out is easier than cooking, so you have to learn the correct way to order.
* All carbonated soft drinks are a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. For example: “What kinda Coke you want?”
* Grouper sandwiches are the other white meat.
* Sweet tea can be served at any meal. (“Ah ont sum sweetee.”)
* Crackers are persons proudly “born and bred” here.
* A Denny’s “Grand Slam” breakfast is grits, biscuits n’ gravy, country fried steak, fried mullet, red-eye gravy and the aforementioned sweet tea.
* People actually grow and eat okra.
* The recipe for swamp cabbage begins with these words: “Chop down a cabbage palm tree.”
Even after a short time here, it doesn’t take long to begin acting like a native.
* You own at least five pairs of flip-flops, but only tourists wear socks with flip-flops.
* You have a drawer full of bathing suits.
* You host hurricane parties.
* You learn to say no to anyone wanting you to deliver a suitcase of powdered sugar to their grandmother in Miami.
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids