I read recently they were so many dumb laws in the United States that any one of us could be arrested every hour of every day for breaking one of them. So I decided to look up some in my new part-time home state of Florida. And the following are the reason why the Florida State Flag has a BIG RED X.
Dumb Florida Laws
- Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer.
- Unmarried women are prohibited from parachuting on Sunday.
- If an elephant is tied to a parking meter, the parking fee still has to be paid.
- It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
- Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
- It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
- You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays.
- It is considered an offense to shower naked. (saves time on laundry day)
- You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip more than four cups and/or saucers.
- You may not kiss your wife’s breasts.
- The molestation of trashcans is banned.
- Chickens are considered a ‘protected species’.
- It is illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
- A women can be fined (only after death) for being electrocuted in a bathtub during the use of self-beautification utensils. (oh, THAT’s what they used to call them … )
- Stage nudity is banned, with the exception of “bona fide” theatrical performances. (so slap an ad on your chest!)
- You may not catch crabs (no indication if these are the edible, or inedible, kind).
BOY, sure glad I live in real civilization!! Yep, New York City … the place to be where:
- A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.
- Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business. (so don’t slap an ad on in NYC)
- A man can’t go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match.
- Donkeys are not allowed to sleep in bathtubs.
- Every business must have spittoons and clean them every 24 hours.
- It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing “body hugging clothing.” (well, there’s one that’s not enforced)
- Citizens may not greet each other by “putting one’s thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers.”
- A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting.
- It is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun. (so don’t have fun while throwing)
- The penalty for jumping off a building is death.
- New Yorkers cannot dissolve a marriage for irreconcilable differences, unless they both agree to it.
- A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket.
- When riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door.
- Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 pm.
- During a concert it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks. (not sure if this means at the same time)
- You may only water your lawn if the hose is held in your hand.
Florida State Color: BLUE: the color of sky, water, temporary roofs placed after a hurricane … and hair.