When I moved to New Jersey I dived into the idea of looking for love. Unfortunately my manic paddling through online dating had not produced love, just weird.
The he came along. He was sweet, intelligent, employed and honest. I really liked him. But after a few months of dating, spending most Wednesdays and the occasional weekend together, I suspected his other nights were being spent with other women. But the relationship was fresh enough it wasn’t really any of my business.
I lived in New Jersey, but worked in New York where he lived and worked, so the distance was against us unless I wanted to schlep several days worth of clothing/makeup/hairdryer/shoes back and forth on the train to prepare for any occasions for which he had tickets over the weekend.
He had no intention of moving to New Jersey to live in the house I owned, and I couldn’t afford New York, but eventually he caved into providing a drawer, a slice of closet, and some space in the bathroom, which made the ever increasing time we spent together much easier. And I was pretty sure no one else was staying at his place with all my stuff strewn around. (after all, the first thing a woman does is peek in the medicine cabinet – right?)
About the same time it seemed we had arrived at monogamy, he began hinting about wanting a lot more adventure in our sex life, which included one or more additional partners. Not polyamory exactly since we would always be together, but definitely a lot of variety. He thought it took him closer to his full potential as a sexually liberated male, I thought it made me into a close permissive friend with benefits. I mean, what is seeking sex when you are in a committed relationship if not the need to feed your ego with fresh meat?
He said it didn’t matter as long as everyone agreed on the parameters. I called it exposure to disease and emotional blackmail.
The relationship is winding down. The end won’t be bittersweet, more like walking out of a good movie where you related to the characters but couldn’t be any of them.
Because I just know that when you find the person you are mean to love and spend your life with, you jump in. You don’t sit on the edge negotiating how to keep your options open.